28 June — this is the day my house is no longer mine. There’s zero sense of loss, only a bit of sadness around leaving the best neighbors ever. There’s definitely tiredness from the activity of having just emptied the house. And also a gentle inner happiness.
I’ve been saying to people, ‘I’m as interested as anyone else to see what’s going to happen!’
For these first days away, I book an AirBnb. Now, it’s true that this is ‘high class’ homelessness. Some would say this is not being homeless at all, so long as there’s a roof over one’s head. Still, it’s a huge shift, to not have the pulls of the house, garden, wondering what the next repair will be. The biggest concern now is if the AirBnb has good internet so as to continue online activities.
Linking generosity and near-death-experiences
Most possessions have been gifted to friends or charities, a few sold. Many practical items like gardening tools, a dog cage, hand tools, went to a former neighbour whom I knew would appreciate and use them. Standing in my garage while taking a break from loading up his van, he said, ‘Look, this is too much. Let me give you some money.’ I refused, explaining to him:
‘I’ve read and listened to a lot of near-death experience testimonials, and one thing most talk about is the life review. Some report feeling again not only everything they felt in life, but also what the other person felt. If that’s true, then when I die, I get to feel the joy and happiness you’re feeling now. What could be better than that? If you give me money, it will change that. So, no — I’d much rather have the joy and happiness.’
Moving forward with a light load
All that remains of my material possessions is 80 ft2 of books, furniture, clothing, etc. plus a car. It feels an accomplishment to have whittled it down so much, and there’s an aspiration to get it down to 40 ft2. But I didn’t give up the house to focus on reducing material possessions, so after a week of giving away a little more, I lock up the storage unit and head north, out of Monmouthshire, up the A465.
A feeling of aliveness comes over me. I know this feeling – it was there when I did forestry work, driving out into the unknown every day, knowing that whatever arose, I could and would meet it. This is a sense of leaving the cocoon. The house kept me safe, yes, but it also kept me confined.
Now I sense freedom — with the all the joy, uncertainty and anticipation that comes with it.
This is how I grow.
This feels right.
28 June 2024 — Newport, Wales