The Mind is a Magician
The 6-week dogsit is finished, and what I realized is that being in one place for six weeks, my system started reaching out to the material world for stability and comfort in the environment. The dog, the fire, the lovely neighbours — all these gave my system signals to rest in predictability, ease, comfort.
Feeling that process happening in real time, it was interesting how responses came up like, ‘It’s nice to have a fire — there’s nothing wrong with it.’ And that’s true; the problem isn’t with pleasant sense contacts themselves.
But I could feel the pull towards wanting those fires, that predictability, those small comforts. And the words of Ayya Khema came to mind, ‘The mind is a magician’. It tries to justify all kinds of things. My mind was trying to pull me back into a cocoon, much like the one I left on 28 June. And I did not leave one cocoon only to move into another one.
I have learned that the maximum time in one place cannot be as long as six weeks. Let the cocoon not form.
Turn towards India
And interestingly, as this clarity was arising, a space suddenly opened up on a month-long yoga training in India at my Hindu teacher’s ashram. When the email came in offering me the space, my internal response was, ‘How fast can I type ‘yes’?’
So it was decided — from Switzerland, then to India. There is a wonderful litheness to the homeless life, a freedom to take such opportunities when they arise.
Unexpected teacher in Switzerland – the mountain
The days of retreat in Switzerland with my Hindu teacher and the sangha were rich and varied. What stands out is a moment when the internal and external journeys overlapped.
One afternoon, during a designated time for questions, I requested permission to ask a brief question. The response was an abrupt, unapologetic rebuff, charged with unexpected force. Stunned and reeling, I withdrew to another room to regain my composure.
The snow-capped Alps stood outside the window, my gaze drawn to their steadiness. The words of the Buddha to his son, Rāhula, came to mind: ‘Meditate like the earth’. By drawing on the steadiness of the mountain, my mind quickly steadied.
Then an impulse to investigate arose, so I experimented with intentionally letting the connection with the mountain weaken. Immediately, the emotion around the unexpected rebuff began to arise again, like clouds gathering for a storm. Then recollecting ‘meditate like the earth’ and once more drawing strength from the mountain, the mind steadied, the emotions calmed. I practiced with this a number of times, watching the rising and falling of steadiness and emotion, until the next session began.
Literally watching the ebb and flow of emotion in response to the mind’s steadiness, or absence of steadiness, was a fascinating window into how our choices shape our lived experience. It aligns with the opening verse of the Dhammapada:
Mind precedes dhammas (things/ experiences) — mind is (their) forerunner, dhammas are mind-made.
Manopubbaṅgamā dhammā, manoseṭṭhā manomayā — Dhammapada verse 1
From Reactivity to Crafting
Last month I wrote that it felt like I was floundering, trying to figure out how to best live this homeless life. It felt more reactive than proactive. A month later, so many things have fallen into place, and a clear arc is in sight:
* for the body — the month-long yoga training in India, having taken the unexpected place that opened up on the yoga training program;
* for the energetic system — a three-week Ayurvedic detox to clear blockages and get the energy flowing better;
* for the mind — a seven-week silent self retreat at a center in the US.
The path forward, at least for these next months, suddenly feels clear and cohesive. It feels well-crafted and very much on path.
What a difference a month can make.
24 November 2024 — `Oberhofen am Thunersee, Switzerland
Stops since the last entry: Helensburgh → Manor → San Antonio → Oberhofen am Thunersee, Switzerland