Field notes from a non-monastic homeless life
These Field Notes trace my pilgrimage.
The journey is one through uncharted territory — neither monastic nor householder in the usual sense. Traditional forms have nourished me to a point. But in my lived experience, when practice deepens, routes available to men are closed to me as a serious female lay practitioner.
There are notable exceptions — the most significant being the steady support of my teacher, Leigh Brasington, himself a lay practitioner. His steady support has been instrumental in the development of my practice and teaching.
The broader truth, however, is that the closing of doors has happened again and again — clearly and with no apology. Sometimes softly, sometimes boldly.
It is not a fluke. It is systemic.
This pilgrimage is therefore one of necessity. It is the work of walking without the support of a traditional structure, shaping the path step by step. Texts, teachings, friends, the unexpected, mis-steps, and direction from my own heart and practice — these are my guides.
It is rather like gardening — carefully observing and then creating the conditions in which practice can flourish.
There is tending, not forcing.
There is simplicity and truth.
The forms that emerge do so organically.
Individual entries are threads that stand alone, even as they weave together into a single fabric. The arc is one of letting go, finding Field and flow, deepening practice, strengthening inner authority — and letting go some more.
For those who find that traditional structures do not hold, may these pages offer recognition, inspiration, and the courage to continue on your path.
The first year — June 2024 – 6 June 2025
The first year begins with selling my house and initial lessons in living without a fixed home. It becomes a year of journeys, both inward and outward, through which practice deepens. Devotion takes root and flourishes, the field becomes clearer, and the heart learns much about letting go and offering itself.
Practice beyond the Cushion
This time of pilgrimage is the work of tending conditions — processes — through which practice unfolds and deepens.
Practice is rich with off-the-cushion processes. Right now, they include:
- Field-holding chanting
- Field-holding music
- translation & sutta study
- Pāli & Sanskrit language study
- writing that clarifies
- somatic unwinding
- craniosacral work
- tuning into the Field
- clear-seeing in everyday life
- processing & integrating in liminal states
- shaping my websites as Field
- taking a room for a few weeks
- a pilgrimage unfolding month by month
These are processes arising from practice, not form practice must fit into.
1. The Calling — Up to 27 June 2024
“Household life is dusty … something has got to change.”
Over seven years, the inner voice to shed everything grows undeniably strong and eventually, irresistible.
→ Read Before setting forth — First post
2. First days away — June 2024
Letting go of the house, gifting nearly everything, and stepping into freedom.
→ Read First days away
3. What’s around the corner — July 2024
Trusting the path that only reveals itself after starting to walk it.
→ Read What’s around the corner
4. Home on wheels, home in the heart — September 2024
A campervan, cold mornings, and a growing sense that home is within.
→ Read Home on wheels, home in the heart
5. Dogs, dāna, and the art of homelessness — October 2024
Discovering a modern form of dāna and the kindness that arises without money.
→ Read Dogs, dāna, and the art of homelessness
6. Mind and mountain — November 2024
A rebuff, a mountain, and the Dhammapada’s truth: mind precedes all.
→ Read Mind and mountain – an unexpected teacher in the Alps
7. Field and flow at Madanapalle, India — December 2024
At the ashram in India, living fields of practice as well as sangha form and flow.
→ Read Field and flow at Madanapalle, India
8. Detox and devotion — January 2025
An Ayurvedic detox and the spontaneous arising of a song of devotion, sung in the Indian night, accompanied by crickets.
🎧 Listen: Om hreem (sung chant)
→ Read Detox and devotion
9. Silent retreat, weeks 1-2: From India into quietude — January/February 2025
From the fullness of India to the quiet of retreat: these first two weeks were about opening the body, opening the heart, and letting joy settle into stillness.
→ Read From India into quietude
10. Silent retreat, weeks 3-4: Resonance and essence — February 2025
The resonances between jhāna and kriyā begin to reveal themselves, the strengthening of inner authority, and the essence that remains.
→ Read Resonance and essence
11. Silent retreat, weeks 5-6: Resistance and love — February/March 2025
Subtle resistance becomes visible, and the internal guidance ‘stop resisting’ arises. Energies flow more freely, and insight into ‘only love remains’ develops.
→ Read Resistance and love
12. Silent retreat, week 7: Joyful mind alighting — March 2025
Joy & stillness intertwine; insights into saññās and storylines, non-doing and resting in awareness; walking with song with sati (mindfulness/presence) as a companion; trusting the path’s unfolding.
🎧 Listen: Saṅgacchadhvaṃ — “Let us walk together” (Sanskrit chant, Ṛg Veda X.191)
→ Read Joyful mind alighting
13. Return, growth, and renewal — April 2025
Returning from seven weeks of silence, the outer world feels surprisingly clear. There’s healing to tend, friendships to renew, and teachings that call from across the ocean.
→ Read Return, growth, and renewal
14. The gateway of the Gītā retreat — May 2025
From family warmth to the doorway of the Gītā retreat, where questions remain unspoken, devotion deepens, and a seed of disquiet stirs beneath the surface.
→ Read The gateway of the Gītā retreat
15. Truth, tears, and teaching — June 2025
Returning from the Gītā retreat, I find myself in time of seemingly endless tears, as well as questions, teaching preparations, and hours of chanting. The heart is stepping into new territory without familiar ground, yet with awe and unhesitating welcome.
→ Read Truth, tears, and teaching
Sunrise — let the pilgrimage begin!